One of the
most common question I think I’ve gotten since returning to the world is people
asking me what it was like to be in the convent. I don’t mind answering people’s questions, but it
seemed like whenever I received this question, I didn’t know how to respond. It’s
not because I’m trying to forget what it was like, or hesitant to talk about
it. On the contrary, there is so much that I could say that would answer that
question that I don’t even know where to begin. There are also so many different directions I could go with the answer; so much I could explain
The most
simplified and honest answer; is that it was beautiful. The experience, the life, the feeling of doing God's will, all of it. Over the course of my time there I
experienced more beauty than I ever had before. From my first visit there to my
final chapel visit at 4 AM the day I left. But what, may you ask, was this
beauty that I encountered?
From
the first moment that I arrived as a retreatent, I was captivated by something…
The sincere joy and peace that the sisters possessed. They were completely beautiful
in their shining white habits, and you could tell without a doubt that this was
what they were made to do with their lives. This is what attracted me at first,
but I was about to encounter more beauty than I could have originally imagined.
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| St. Felix Oratory, Huntington IN. |
After
entering, I encountered numerous sorts of beautiful things. From being
completely surrounded by a community that loves you, and wants the absolute
best for you, to the breathtaking 4 part harmony pieces that we sung in chapel, (Some of which were in Latin!)
I was literally taken over by beauty. There is also something that can be said
by living under the same roof as Jesus Christ truly present in the Eucharist
and literally having a two minute walk to go and visit him. The structure of the life is also beautiful. I woke up in the morning, every morning, at 5 AM to the sound of the rising bell, but I knew that was Jesus calling me to come and be with Him in the earlier hours of the morning, to consecrate my whole day to him. And then at each of the prayer hours, that same bell brought me to that chapel to come and be with Him, and not worry about anything else, but simply to be with him.
There is also something to be said about the fact that I knew that I was doing exactly what God wanted of me at that particular point in my life. And with knowing that, there comes a great deal of peace. This is a great gift. There was never a doubt in my mind that I wasn't supposed to be there for that time. Peace that comes from God isn't exactly describable in words, but it is real, and it was part of my whole experience. Was there sacrifices? Yes. I gave up so much to go there, and gave up a tremendous amount of my will while I was there, but I would not change one bit of it.
Just like the two disciples that Jesus took up the mountain to revel His glory to, so has He, in a sense, taken me up the mountain with him. Like the disciples, I could say "Lord, it is good to be here." and I sincerely meant that with all my heart. It was good to be there. That is where Jesus wanted me, and while He willed me to be there, He willed that I should experience just a piece of his goodness. But like the disciples, Jesus led me there to lead me back down the mountian. He has used that convent, at that point in my life, to prepare me for what ever he has in store for me next. To help me "take up my cross and follow Him" So in essence, the experience, to me, was experiencing a bit of heaven, to strengthen me on my journey towards heaven. My work here on earth is not done yet. Even though whatever God may be calling me to does not include wearing a habit, or a life of dedicated prayer and obedience, I can rest in the assurance that whatever he has planned for me is greater than I can plan for myself.
Blessed Be God.
